i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
