Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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