Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
