he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
