From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My vagina is very pro this idea
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
