gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
