For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
