3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
