My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
