Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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