Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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