It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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