I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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