I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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