Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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