I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
