if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
