Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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