so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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