haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
