Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
what is it with giant penises always finding me
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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