My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you will always have a special place in my vag
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
