Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
