everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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