I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
