As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The Olympian is in my bed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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