He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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