literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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