I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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