I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
