just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
