This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
