i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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