Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
