Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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