so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
