I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
50% drunk capacity currently
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Who died my cat blue again?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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