so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
