oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
