i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
