Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
