my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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