i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
