Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
