So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
