So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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