I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
