i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
