sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize