so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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