Pants 0. Shit 1.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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