i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
