Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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