Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
