I'm so fucking centered right now
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
