He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
