Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
