at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
