May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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