my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
