i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
