How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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