ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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