somebody snuck up and got me drunk
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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