She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
