No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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