I think my vagina is haunted
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize