I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
