he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
