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i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
someone owes me an orgasm
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
