Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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