Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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