I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize