i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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