That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
