just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
