I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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