All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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