Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
