my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
