i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Drake has all the answers
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
