so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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