I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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