i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
