just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
