Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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