pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
