Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
