I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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